forget everything.

I fall into a void every time i listen to some odd song here and there that makes me imagine myself in some god-forsaken situation or simply gives me a feeling of pure possession and fulfillment.Something similar happens when i stare at that lone coconut tree,seen from in between two buildings from my verandah everytime there's no electricity towards the evening.Its like i've thrown myself off from somewhere and i start feeling wholesome as the wind hits me under.I don't need anyone then.Not one single soul on planet.They never cross my mind.Nothing does then actually.But still this void is comforting.Its my own.And it doen't matter that its nothing.That's the way i want it to be.Its like drowning.Only its not suffocatting.Something like a phantasma.Something you don't see very clearly yet understand.Its like i've gone down an empty alley in life,leaving behind all the people who bog me down and claustrophobicise the roads.I wanna get lost at times like this and i'm pretty thankful that i manage to do that.Its not possible to describe it completely.There's nothing like it.Its not something amazing,nothing extraordinary.Its just comforting.Sort of defines the person who i really am i guess behind what i seem every day.That's it.

The Tagging Thing

I.......have been tagged.
So i write six things about me that are weird.
Problem is-i can't think of them right now though i know that there are a quite a few.But whatever....

SIX THINGS THAT SAY I AM WEIRD.

1.I like to sing nursery rhymes and other kid songs with actions and seriously don't care that it is highly stupid to do this.

2.I just don't break things.I have a tendency to cause major destruction.Here the reference is to the fire i caused in my modem and the monitor as a result of which my pc trashed.And also the centre table glass which i somehow managed to throw up in the air and break into two.(the obvious part here is that i had to pretend that i had got hurt real bad in order to save myself from a very painful ordeal)
Oh and i have broken quite a few things in other people's houses as well.Invariably and almost always.Especially when i visit them for the first time.

3.I believe i'm a nice girl though rupsha sen has made all efforts to prove it otherwise.BUT she is wrong.(And i don't think there is anything weird about this but she says it is and so i have put it.What the hell....)

4.Lots of times,i've been caught talking to myself about i don't remember what by perfect strangers in shopping malls and they all think i'm mad.(I end up making a face at them also but that is unintentional cause the face was being made at the horrible clothes but i ended up looking up with the bad-face-expression and there they were....staring at me)

5.Another thing about my pc,(now there are so many things about my pc cause i share a weird unexplainable relationship with it.)I llike to slap it when it doesn't work and the thing invariably hangs when i do that.Then i have to beg in front of the cpu.Then my mails go.But this is an old story cause now we have broadband.

6.I like to tear my lenses before throwing them.It gives me a great deal of satisfaction.

There........those are six weird things about me.
Now i have to tag six people but unfortunately, everyone i know who has a blog has already been tagged and so rupsha sen has promised to find six unknown people for me to tag.

So when she does,i'll put up the names of those people.

Child fantasies

I wanted to be good at everything when i was small.You know come first every term, draw the best,run the fastest and whenever there was something new that i came across,i imagined myself to be the best at that as well.It sounds so stupid. And even more cause all of this never happened.I can't draw for nuts....but sometimes my mountains turn out sort of pretty and then i get very happy.I could never paint properly.I simply ended up playing with poster paints and water colours.Because invariably i spoiled whatever i had made and would then sit with a thick brush and just colour the entire thing anyway i liked.It eventually turned out to be nothing.Just one something that didn't look all that bad.I threw it anyway.But the fun part was washing the palette cause then all sorts of colours were formed.
I don't run the fastest.I run better than some decent people but still,i'm not that good.I don't remember if i ever felt sad that i couldn't do all of this as a kid.
But now i really don't care.I still wish i could do a lot of things but then it really doesn't matter that much.I'll maybe give some of the things a try.Could start with jogging for more than 15 mins at a stretch.

???

Someday, I will die and everyone i know will be sad.Some will cry and fewer will continue for a longer time.
Sooner or later,when things grow out of time,there will be something nice again and everyone will learn to live without me. The fact that i died will be accepted. No one shall feel so sad about it anymore and maybe some may feel a tinge on say my birthday.
They will talk about me,not so often,happily when a forgotten photograph comes out from a closet.
I know that's what i should want it to be like,that is, if all the hype about souls makes sense.But sometimes i feel if i really mean this.Beacause I don't like being a passing thought in someone's mind.I like to stay there. I know people will say that even though i don't feature in their everyday lives,i'm always there with them.It sounds like a beaten line-a bit fake.
I don't know if i'll be satisfied.I'm a selfish girl.
Its better that we all die once and for all and souls don't exist.It sounds like too much of a torture.Neither heaven nor hell are inviting.

Things that i REALLY want to do but never will

1. Take my pc and chuck it out of the window.
2. Stuff a balloon into one someone's mouth.
3. Kick into the washing machine which has gone cranky and is making beautiful drum noises these days.
4. Kill my cell phone.
5. Take the full coffee mug and smash it on the floor.
6. Jump off a high place but not die or get hurt.
7. Slap one person REALLY hard on the road.
8. Demolish this new building that has come up right next to my house and is blocking my full verandah view.
9. Punch into the glass of the dining table through the middle.
10. Take a small,potted plant by its stem and and smash the pot on the floor.
11.Throw the moisturizer bottle out of the window and make sure it breaks into pieces on the road making a white splash.(once again)

my pc.

The other day i told all my friends a story about my pc.And they all thought that i had gone mad.Rupsha called me a freak and Rajasee laughed her head off.But still,i think the story deserves to be told again-for the sake of my pc.
see.......i was talking to lots of people on msn the other day and my pc was behaving fine...which it has been since we got broadband and so i was also not slapping it for it was working nicely only.
i was happy.
my pc was happy.
but then SUDDENLY, my pc got possessed by anti-pc-soul spirits that hover around us all the time and target the crappiest of the machines(no wonder my pc was attacked)
Anyways,after that all sorts of thngs started happening.....evrything became double double.At first i thought that my pc was thinking i had become cross-eyed and that's why it was showing me evrything double double,except rupsha's blog window which was normal(listen-i'm not exaggerating ok.....i was feeling dumb that day so i just said this out loud.)
Anyways.then toh i got pissed off and slapped the monitor.
Every conversation window had become two-one hidden behind the other and when i was typing,i could see what i was typing in one of the two parts but not the other and the saddest part was tht the one in which i could see what i was typing,was hidden behind the one in which i couldn't see.
So fine......i went on talking and then jahnavi's screen name-the infamous-started flashing very prettily in a deep,navy blue colour under one of the lines that i had written. i told her this and she got very happy.
but still.....i didn't know the true state of my pc until.........i put on the desktop upfront to start something and suddenly all these lines started blinking across the screen.There were ugly blue-brown lines and pretty light green lines.It was then that i knew that my pc was in conflict.
Anyways,i refreshed.Everything became fine for 2 seconds.
But soon the conflict reappeared on my screen.
Again i clicked refresh.
Again it appeared.
In sometime i actually started enjoying this game with my pc.it was called-"lets see if you can click refresh for the second time before the lines appear again".
it was fun.
i was liking it.
Sidharth thought i was a psycho.
Priyasha wasn't replying to my story then.
She did much later though.
Anywasy,then in the last moments of the conflict(i was still playing that game) the evil spirit had my pc's soul under him and my pc almost gave away.Now that is because everything hanged.But even then, it sprang up and without me pressing that little blue button,it punched the spirit,restarted all by itself without prior notice and sprang back to life.Refreshed.
And the evil spirit ran off.Vanquished.
My pc's good.
i hate my pc.
That's it.