I have nothing to say...

The old hag wrote OK on the board.
I thought "okay".
Others shouted zero kelvin.
And I would supposedly do much better if I think the same way.
Perceptions.
They can be so annoying.

~science student~

I have changed.
And it feels good.
Feels nothing actually.

Now there's no more awe for something beautiful.Its more of an understanding with it.A knowing silent conversation thats formal in its own way.
Beauty's definition has changed from the what was taught in nursery.
I somehow don't find the Taj Mahal that great.I find the ruins of old forts better.Maybe its because I was expecting more given the hype.
Somebody overhearing laughed when i said that.
I turned to look.He looked at me as well.
I turned and walked away.

Now i don't want perfection.Its a bit too stark.
Now I have my own perception of things around me and I don't demand an explanation for the way they are.
People who do,I find them silly.
Now I know I like something when I say I like it.

Right now,I'm happy the way I am.Even with the things missing.
I know I will change from here.Not much maybe but I will.There's no place in this world for something stagnant.
God knows if this is maturity.Maybe it'll be stupidity a few years down the line.Maybe even a few days, when I read this post again.
But this will remain the first time I felt real.
Happy beacuse of who I was.
And that, is a very good feeling.

15 mins of indulgence outside school.

There is a modi dukan outside school.

I never knew it existed until sports day class X when i went there with a bunch of similarly broke people to hog.

I finished half the stock of that place that day with everyone staring at me.And that was possible thanks to Rupsha's magic green bag which stored large sums of money in god knows how many one rupee,two rupee and 5 rupee coins.It was an occasion for jubiliation everytime 10 rupee notes came out all folded and crumbled.
Rest,we borrowed and never paid back.

I had utilised every last 50 paisa because you get chloromint chewing gum with that and modi dukaan ka person keeps chloromint in a nice small green plastic container which I can never find and then he has to point it out for me.

Now,we visit modi dukaan every single day after school for about 15 mins.Its become a tradition.And it is one place which I hope shall help me to grow fat though results unfortunately, are not yet visible.

Latest addiction at modi dukaan:Lays wafer style with pepsi...and crackle if you have the money.Even if you don't,then also you can buy because the modi dukaanwala people do not mind keeping us in debt.Earlier it used to be "orange lays."

So,after getting out of the school gate,we take a left turn towards modi dukaan and simply go pick up the green packet lying on the red rack.Then i tell the thin person standing near the pesi fridge to give one barra pepsi.I have specifications about the bottle also.I do not like those bottles where the pepsi label is not coloured and is just something jutting out in glass.It looks as if those are contaminated.

He knows that.So he doesn't give us those type of bottles these days.He takes out the last bottle in a row,the one closest to where the cold cold air comes out beacuse we are his special customers.

He also keeps the three or four crackles right in front, on top of all the other chocolates so that i can take it out easily.One day Jahnavi just walked off with a crackle without telling me.So i also did not pay him.

Next day he told me very sweetly.

Crackle also has its own story.If its just three people and one of them is Rajasee,then we have perfect division of crackle because she does not want more than two.

So the bar gets equally broken into two parts of four each and the remaining two which she gets.

Money is not a problem these days.Because i'm mask treasurer.

I keep the money back.Don't worry.I'm a nice girl.

Then there is a light blue coloured board right next to modi dukaan saying in white that the estate,"bibi jaan bibi" belongs to some person whose name i cant remember because the centre of attraction was the name of the estate which continues to fascinate us and thus,we have sung songs which go"bibi jaan bibi.bibi jaan bibi" outside modi dukaan.

The person sitting inside the modi dukaan thinks we are all very nice people but he finds us crazy.I know it.
Because I remember how he was looking at me when i borrowed two rupees from some girl on sports day,went up to him and asked"do rupaiy mein kya milta hain?".

I had been hogging then for almost half an hour.
He gave me a fatafat.

Sometimes Varun and Gaurav come outside modi dukaan.They used to steal food earlier but now they bring money and buy the BIG lays wafer style so its ok.

One day it was just me and jahnavi.We were standing outside modi dukaan and this hag sort of a woman came and said that she works for some animal welfare society which needed funding so if we could give her some money.
So i gave her 10 bucks.It was the cheapest thing in my hand.You see, we were rich that day.She talked very nicely,said nice nice things about us and went off.

The modi dukaan people told us that she was just bluffing.I said i know but what to do.She looked like someone who had a dagger or something.They laughed.We also laughed.They thought we were dumb.

Modi dukaan has become an integral part of our school life.

I'll miss modi dukaan days after class 12.The modi dukaan people will miss us as well.
We have provided them with never failing means of entertainment and an assured shoot up in their finances.But there are still two more years to go.
And that's quite a lot though the perosn most addicted to lays wafer style, only has monday left.
How sad is that.
I don't even remember who first came up with the name,modi dukaan.But now that little shop with two big fridges and red racks is modi dukaan for us.

"Amen" to that.

come to think of it..

I hate time. It's such a hypocrite.

forget everything.

I fall into a void every time i listen to some odd song here and there that makes me imagine myself in some god-forsaken situation or simply gives me a feeling of pure possession and fulfillment.Something similar happens when i stare at that lone coconut tree,seen from in between two buildings from my verandah everytime there's no electricity towards the evening.Its like i've thrown myself off from somewhere and i start feeling wholesome as the wind hits me under.I don't need anyone then.Not one single soul on planet.They never cross my mind.Nothing does then actually.But still this void is comforting.Its my own.And it doen't matter that its nothing.That's the way i want it to be.Its like drowning.Only its not suffocatting.Something like a phantasma.Something you don't see very clearly yet understand.Its like i've gone down an empty alley in life,leaving behind all the people who bog me down and claustrophobicise the roads.I wanna get lost at times like this and i'm pretty thankful that i manage to do that.Its not possible to describe it completely.There's nothing like it.Its not something amazing,nothing extraordinary.Its just comforting.Sort of defines the person who i really am i guess behind what i seem every day.That's it.

The Tagging Thing

I.......have been tagged.
So i write six things about me that are weird.
Problem is-i can't think of them right now though i know that there are a quite a few.But whatever....

SIX THINGS THAT SAY I AM WEIRD.

1.I like to sing nursery rhymes and other kid songs with actions and seriously don't care that it is highly stupid to do this.

2.I just don't break things.I have a tendency to cause major destruction.Here the reference is to the fire i caused in my modem and the monitor as a result of which my pc trashed.And also the centre table glass which i somehow managed to throw up in the air and break into two.(the obvious part here is that i had to pretend that i had got hurt real bad in order to save myself from a very painful ordeal)
Oh and i have broken quite a few things in other people's houses as well.Invariably and almost always.Especially when i visit them for the first time.

3.I believe i'm a nice girl though rupsha sen has made all efforts to prove it otherwise.BUT she is wrong.(And i don't think there is anything weird about this but she says it is and so i have put it.What the hell....)

4.Lots of times,i've been caught talking to myself about i don't remember what by perfect strangers in shopping malls and they all think i'm mad.(I end up making a face at them also but that is unintentional cause the face was being made at the horrible clothes but i ended up looking up with the bad-face-expression and there they were....staring at me)

5.Another thing about my pc,(now there are so many things about my pc cause i share a weird unexplainable relationship with it.)I llike to slap it when it doesn't work and the thing invariably hangs when i do that.Then i have to beg in front of the cpu.Then my mails go.But this is an old story cause now we have broadband.

6.I like to tear my lenses before throwing them.It gives me a great deal of satisfaction.

There........those are six weird things about me.
Now i have to tag six people but unfortunately, everyone i know who has a blog has already been tagged and so rupsha sen has promised to find six unknown people for me to tag.

So when she does,i'll put up the names of those people.

Child fantasies

I wanted to be good at everything when i was small.You know come first every term, draw the best,run the fastest and whenever there was something new that i came across,i imagined myself to be the best at that as well.It sounds so stupid. And even more cause all of this never happened.I can't draw for nuts....but sometimes my mountains turn out sort of pretty and then i get very happy.I could never paint properly.I simply ended up playing with poster paints and water colours.Because invariably i spoiled whatever i had made and would then sit with a thick brush and just colour the entire thing anyway i liked.It eventually turned out to be nothing.Just one something that didn't look all that bad.I threw it anyway.But the fun part was washing the palette cause then all sorts of colours were formed.
I don't run the fastest.I run better than some decent people but still,i'm not that good.I don't remember if i ever felt sad that i couldn't do all of this as a kid.
But now i really don't care.I still wish i could do a lot of things but then it really doesn't matter that much.I'll maybe give some of the things a try.Could start with jogging for more than 15 mins at a stretch.